A letter to ED

When I moved into my new apartment around christmas time I found some old writings and pictures I had saved in a special folder from my first time in treatment. Among those things was a handwritten letter I wrote to ED, the name I gave my eating disorder (abbreviaton of Eating Disorder). Reading it again today gave me the chills, what a tight grip he had me in and what he made me do. Reading this helps me to be even more confident that I never want to go back to that state of mind. Please excuse my language in the letter, ok here we go:

Aug 24th 2009
Dear Ed, I hate you! Before I met you I had everything. A social life, friends, family, success in school and an upcoming career in track and field. Then you came around and promised me you could improve all those things. If I followed your orders I would do better in school, jump higher at track meets, become more popular at parties and become heappier and healthier. You lied to me! Neither of those things came true!

Instead, because of you I stopped going out with my friends, stopped enjoying food and sweets, had to quit my track team and had to leave school to go to treatment. You made me want to die at times!
But I still believed your word and that you had my best in mind. Today I know better.

I never want to go back to a place were you can have power over me. I worked so hard to gain back everything that you took from me. I am going to work even harder to keep the ones I love close to me and to keep you out of my life. I deserv better than you, I deserv the best I can get.
Fuck you ED.